DUDE– I got ink’d!

November 30, 2009 at 5:20 pm (The Writing Life, Uncategorized)
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Yep, I did it – I got that tattoo I was considering (see recent post: Make Your Mark).

And I gotta say, I’m loving it!  It’s a fountain pen nib “growing” out of the inside of my writing (right) hand wrist.   Rich black ink flows boldly from it — writing from my vein, my heart, my essence.   Etched leaf shapes signify my love of all things nature.

Important note:  No alcohol was involved in the decision-making process.  This was a totally sober and deliberate action!

And yes, that sucker hurt.. especially the ink line near my hand, smack dab in the middle of my tendons.  Yeow!

But that’s fitting, isn’t it?  Symbolic of allowing pain to feed my writing when it wants / needs to.  Let’s admit…. endlessly sunshiny words can get monotonous.  Throw in a bit of droll and ouch for contrast and you’ve got yourself the perfect word stew:   something tasty, delectable, worthy of attention and sharing.

Just like that first “bzzzzt…bzzzt” sound of permanent ink being embedded in my wrist, a lifetime commitment to writing makes my lil’ heartbeat quicken.   My gremlins (see Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson) gather to dance in sharp spiky heels on my confidence, laughing uproariously at my declaration. 

And you know what I say to that???  I say No Gremlins Allowed… I AM a Writer.  See?  It says so right here on my wrist! 

So, I’m curious… what reminders (tattoos or other!) do (or will) you keep near you to shoo away your internal naysayers??

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text by Starla J. King, photos by Sandra A. Manne

Check back next week for the next post in the Anatomy of Love series!

15 Comments

Dine with me

November 24, 2009 at 9:49 pm (Uncategorized)
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Dine with me
take out
the heirloom silver and place
connection’s fine china so you can

Talk with me
let me savour your words
delicate morsels
flavored to my favourite tastes and
Sing with me
let me drink your soul’s vintage
rich swirls
intoxicating my heart and
Laugh with me
let me indulge in your joy
a welcome temptation of
sugar-kissed desserts then

Rest.

May each of you be filled with all you love this Thanksgiving!

8 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Where can we meet?

November 19, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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They clipped my wings today
and asked me why I didn’t fly
I tried to explain to them
Part won’t work,
I need the Whole
and they told me
But you still have wings
why don’t you fly?

I don’t blame them, really, for clipping my wings by standing firm to their conviction that I am living against God’s will, that Heaven won’t welcome me.   “Them” being those who open their arms to me – but only if I don’t do anything about being a Lesbian… like, well, being one. 

They’re just living what they believe — how can I truly fault them for that?  

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  Or sometimes make me angry.  And usually make me sad.

When I “came out” in my twenties ,  I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to be seen as a “sinner.”   I grew up in a Mennonite household, went to a Mennonite high school and college, was regularly (and willingly!!) involved in Bible Study, Chapel participation/leadership, Devotional groups,  church choir, etc. etc.   I was known as a good Christian girl. 

Until I came out.   

Suddenly my lifelong relationship with God was questioned and my welcome in the Church was revoked.  The organization that purports to be built upon the very essence of unconditional love suddenly stuck the word “IF” into their love.  

Even though in accepting myself as a Lesbian I re-found deep Joy out of a deep depression… the kind of Joy that starts in the soul and radiates through everything.

Even though embracing the nature of my Love has opened me up to the most richly spiritual life I could ever imagine.

So how do we all wade through this together without having to change each others’ viewpoints?   Maybe this is not the place for words, but instead the place beyond words. 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.”
- Rumi

Today, even if only for a few minutes, let’s meet in that field and just Be together.  Beloved human being to beloved human being.  Today let it be about that place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing.  

When you’re ready, I’ll meet you there.

*******************************************
text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the third in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

10 Comments

Make Your Mark

November 11, 2009 at 7:09 pm (Uncategorized)
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I’m seriously considering <whisper> getting a tattoo.  Don’t tell Mom.

(Actually, Mom might kinda like it… her 81 year-old conservative nature does have  a vibrant free-spirit streak running through it.   but I digress….).

Ok so let’s suspend judgment for a moment on the whole tattoo right/wrong issue and do a “what if” exercise, shall we?  Yes…Excellent!

melissaI’m realizing that considering what tattoo I’d get is a fascinating way to discover what really matters to me.  

Think about it – if you got a tattoo, what would you get? 

  • Something that has meaning just to you or something that’s a dandelionmessage to the other people who see it?
  • Writing or picture(s) or both?
  • Something representing someone else in your life, or something representing yourself?
  • Something serious or something touched with humor?
  • Color or black and white?
  • Photo-realistic or cartoonish?
  • Teeny, little, medium-sized, big, or huge?

Me?  I would choose something that has meaning specific to me — a reminder to encourage some valuable part of me to shine out beyond myself.  Something serious, black and white and definitely photo-realistic picture instead of word(s).  And little…I’m still a wee bit tattoo shy :) .

Whoa, at first glance, that doesn’t really sound like me.  The Starla who loves deep rich colors so much I would (almost) eat Crayolas if it allowed me to savour them more.  The Starla who (usually) laughs easily about almost anything.   The Starla who craves words so much my fingers sometimes tingle with the need to write.  The Starla with the crazy two-toned half-buzzed/half-long scruffly hair.  

The thing is … all of those things are me… and maybe the tattoo specs are more about the internal stuff I don’t express as often.  About the more introspective, quiet, intensely serious, high-art me.  Hmmm… ???breathe

But enough about me.  What would you choose as your permanent “stamp”???   Or what have you already chosen?? 

Oh, and yes, if I do get said tattoo… I will let you know what it is…and why I chose what I did.  Stay tuned!!

(special thanks to Melissa, Clare, and Lisa for unauthorized use of your tattoo photos!!)

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And check back next week for the  next post in the Anatomy of Love series!  

8 Comments

Anatomy of Love – Who gets to decide??

November 5, 2009 at 9:16 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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“A thousand half-loves
must be forsaken to take
one whole heart home.” – Rumi

Some would say that I have no right to “take one whole heart home.”   That I deserve only an unfulfilled life of half-loves.

Just because I’m gay.

s&s

Me, and my "wife" Sandy (photo by Patti Burke)

Some would say that giving me the right to legally marry my same-sex partner of 13 years (yes, THIRTEEN) weakens the strength of not only their opposite-sex marriage but the entire institution of marriage.  See this blog post from Stand for Marriage Maine re: the threat my relationship poses to traditional same-sex marriage.

Wow, now *that* is giving my minority group a lot of power!   Rather ironic, isn’t it?

Yesterday Maine voters decided that they really weren’t ok with the  law passed by the state Legislature earlier this year — to legally allow same-sex marriage and the rights/protections going along with that. 

Some rejoiced.  Others wept.  (See this article  for further description of the reactions).

You know, my wish to legally marry my same-sex life partner (yes, partner FOR LIFE… legally recognized or not) is not about taking anything away from any one else’s relationship.  It’s not about trying to prove anything or trying to force my way of being on anyone else. 

It’s about knowing that if my partner ever needs someone to make medical decisions for her, I won’t be denied the chance to be her voice.

It’s about knowing that if something happens to me, the resources I leave behind won’t be taken away from the one who has supported and loved me for years and years.

It’s about giving our relationship a chance to extend beyond the emotional and into the practical.

So all I ask today, no matter what viewpoint you hold, is that we keep talking about this.  Not from a place of anger or judgment on either side but from a genuine desire to find those golden threads of understanding between all of us.

Because really, isn’t it still just about Love?

s&s-painting

When we were young (painting by Jill R. Wiebe-King)

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text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the second in the new “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love.  Click here for first post in the series.)

21 Comments

Take two books and call me in the morning

November 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm (Books, Starla's Bookshelf, Uncategorized)

I don’t want to talk about it.   The phone call with my ailing elderly father that left me a jumbled mass of feelings as his decline becomes more and more evident.

I don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t.  

How about we instead talk about books?  The world always looks beautiful and comforting from behind a stack of books.

jazzy-books

Jazzy "reading"

I’ve been in a bit of a book-buying frenzy lately, and have a literal stack of books by my reading chair waiting patiently to see which one wins my attention next. 

confession:  I’ve started several of these already and am “reading” them in bits and pieces.  I guess I’m not always a very linear reader.  

The E-Myth: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do About It  (Michael Gerber):  (Assigned Reading from the Big Fish Nation (http://www.bigfishnation.com) program coursework):  Halfway through this one and boy does it have me thinking about our gardening business (http://www.signaturegardenscapes.com) — what process improvements can we make?  What can / do we want to delegate?  How much growth do we want?  Yikes!

Write It Down, Make It Happen: Knowing what you want — and getting it! (Henriette Anne Klauser) (Assigned Reading from the Big Fish Nation program coursework):  Warning: this whole write it down make it happen thing works!!

The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-Create Your World Your Way (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer) (Assigned Reading from the Big Fish Nation program coursework):  Haven’t started this one yet, but I bet it’s a doozy!

New and Selected Poems Volume One (Mary Oliver):  Ahhh, a respite into nature and its intertwinings into the emotions and actions of everyday life.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd ed) (by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.):  Just finished this one, but had to include it here because it has profoundly changed the way I communicate.  I thought I was a pretty good listener… but this takes it to a whole new level.  Thanks for the recommendation, Nancy!

Rumi: The Glance: Songs of Soul-Meeting (translated by Coleman Barks):  Rumi, ah Rumi.  These poems take me to that incredible place beyond words (how ironic!).  The “soul-meetings” are saturated with the emotions of connection.  magic. pure magic.

The Essential Rumi (translation by Coleman Barks with John Moyne):  Essential is right!  I still don’t quite know exactly why Rumi’s poetry has such an effect on me.  A wonderful mystery.

The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life (Julia Cameron):  A glimpse into the life of a fabulous writer.   This book helps me keep writing.

Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life (Kevin Chasman):  Haven’t started this one yet… stay tuned for review!

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression (Andrew Solomon):  An amazing book that “examines depression in personal, cultural, and scientific terms.”   Some days I’m afraid to pick this up because I know I’ll recognize myself in there.  Other days I pick it up because I know I’ll recognize myself in there.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Eckhart Tolle):  Haven’t started this yet, but I know it’ll be a good one!

Pitching My Tent: On Marriage, Motherhood, Friendship and Other Leaps of Faith (Anita Diamant):  Got this one to see if I can get insights into how Anita grew her writing career.  And it looked interesting anyway. And she’s really good-looking. :)

What are YOU reading these days????? 

9 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Would You Say No?

October 27, 2009 at 11:12 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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fall-morning1“Yesterday the beauty of early dawn
came over me, and I wondered who

my heart would reach toward. Then
this morning again and you.”
- Rumi

What if every day your heart reached toward the same person, knowing your two souls were inter-connected, your spirits spoke the same language, and together your lives created beauty… what if every morning your heart reached toward the same person and begged you to please please just let it love.

Would you say no?

Some would ask that you do.

Some would ask that you deny the authenticity of your heart, soul and spirit for the sake of … of what, exactly? Fear? Tradition? Maybe just blinding confusion? I’m not sure. And I’m not sure that the “what” or the “why” even matters.

But I am sure that when Love calls, I’m going to answer.

When Love presents itself to me, I’m going to embrace it.

When my heart begs for fulfillment and the permission to Love completely and honestly, I’m going to grant that request.

In fact, I already did.

rosedropsBut not all will celebrate with me and not all will support my version of Love.

Because, like me, my Love is a woman.

Those last three words change everything. Those three words have the power to negate everything else I’ve said, everything else I’ve done. Everything else I am.

So then, what if, for even one day, those three words just didn’t matter? What if instead the only words that mattered were all the others… like “Love” and “authenticity” and “honesty” and “ beauty”????

What if … ???

****************************

text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the first in the new “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

16 Comments

Connection

October 22, 2009 at 8:18 am (Relationship)
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hands_by_lisa

Photo by JoLisa

What is the message here within
the longing angst
mystery of purpose being
identity in question
dangling strings of connection
lost without touch

Self-discovery learning success but really what
is it all without a shared soul
of wordless understanding
expressing together the heartbeat of communion
the greatest collaboration
full senses overflow in a rush trickle rush
slow steady drip of life to each other
Peace.

2 Comments

Today I Will Look

October 20, 2009 at 7:27 am (The Gardening Life)

I forgot to look.

Yesterday I was so busy that I forgot to look — at the (finally!) sunny day, the probably clear skies and most likely richly-colored changing leaves of Fall.

I spent the entire day outside and missed almost all of it.   *sigh*

bfast_at_work2Actually, I guess I started out paying attention — to the lusciously steamyhot Star(la)bucks coffee and silkysmooth petite vanilla scone that I got ubfast_at_work1s (my co-worker Megan and me) to take the edge off the cold early morning 37 degrees (F).   I even took pictures of the early morning on-the-job scene as Megan and I giggled!

Then the stone delivery didn’t show up at 9.  or 10. or 11.  or (AUGH!!) 12!!   No, please not today, I don’t have time for this! 

I needed enough end-of-day time to get to the nursery to select plants for the next day’s job. OH SHOOT, and to get to the landfill first to empty the leftover stone from the truck.  So definitely no time to create that teeny flowerbed for another client afterall.  Which means rescheduling today, tomorrow, maybe all week.  CURSES!

I came home last night wiped out.   Not elated from the beautiful low stone border we created.  Not thrilled to have pleased yet another client.  Not grateful for a job that immerses me in beauty day in and day out.

All because I forgot to look.  I let myself get blinded by details and self-imposed deadlines and blocked out the soothing beauty around me.

leafNot today.  Today I will look.  Today I will notice the sunrise.  The gradual warming of the air from morning to mid-day.  The sweet smell of fresh mulch.  The fiery red-orange yellows of the changing leaves.  The scent of change.  The birdsong of promise.

Today I will look.  Join me??

morning1

(all photos by Starla J. King)

7 Comments

Write on

October 12, 2009 at 10:01 am (Books, The Writing Life)
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Writers write.  That’s what we do. 

writeExcept when we don’t.

I’ve let my writing slip into the background as I’ve been digging my way out of overscheduling my landscaping work (ach, when will I learn!??!?). 

I’ve written about this — the not writing — before, in my Getting it Just Write post.  But this time it’s different.  

By now I’ve made writing such a habit that when it’s missing I immediately feel the loss.  I almost tangibly feel words reaching for me, begging me to stop and write myself down. 

When my life coach (Nancy Duncan, through the Big Fish Nation program) asked me last week how my writing was going, tears burst from heart as I said “I haven’t been writing… and oh, I miss it!!!”

A few of Nancy’s discovery questions later, and I have committed to her (and me!) that I will post a new Starla’s Word Stew blog entry at least once per week.  By every Tuesday, in fact.  And now, by telling you this, I have also committed to you. 

right-to-writeI share all this with you because I fully believe in the power of writing — for each and every one of us, not just for those of us who get paid to write. 

As Julia Cameron writes in her book, ”The Right to Write” :

“Writing is medicine.  It is an appropriate antidote to injury.  It is an appropriate companion for any difficult change.

Because writing is a practice of observation as much as invention, we can become curious as much as frightened in the face of change.  Writing about the change, we can help it along, lean into it, cooperate.

Writing allows us to rewrite our lives.”

Wait, read that again:  writing allows us to rewrite our lives…  rewrite-our-livesrewrite our lives.   

Do you realize how powerful that is???

What’s that?  You’re not a writer?  Ah, I beg to differ.  We are all “writers”… the act of picking up a pen and putting words on paper automatically turns us into writers, ones who write.

We all write lists.

We all write notes.

We all are writers.

So next time you’re feeling or thinking something you don’t know what to do with, try writing.  Anything.  Everything. Whatever’s on your mind.  Whatever comes out when you put your pen to paper.   Imperfect grammar, dangling participles (I still don’t really know what those are… I just I love that phrase), broken thoughts, incoherent ramblings.  Just write it all out.

And when you stop, you will likely have written yourself a golden word-thread of relief, perspective, even insight.  You will have rewritten your life.

write-on

"Life is Good" t-shirt - thank you Patti! :)

So today I cheer the writer in each of us and ask you to join me as we all write on!!    

In fact, you can start write now :) by writing a comment below about your own writing experiences or lack thereof. 
I’m listening….

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