I don’t blame them, really, for clipping my wings by standing firm to their conviction that I am living against God’s will, that Heaven won’t welcome me. “Them” being those who open their arms to me – but only if I don’t do anything about being a Lesbian… like, well, being one.
They’re just living what they believe — how can I truly fault them for that?
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Or sometimes make me angry. And usually make me sad.
When I “came out” in my twenties , I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to be seen as a “sinner.” I grew up in a Mennonite household, went to a Mennonite high school and college, was regularly (and willingly!!) involved in Bible Study, Chapel participation/leadership, Devotional groups, church choir, etc. etc. I was known as a good Christian girl.
Until I came out.
Suddenly my lifelong relationship with God was questioned and my welcome in the Church was revoked. The organization that purports to be built upon the very essence of unconditional love suddenly stuck the word “IF” into their love.
Even though in accepting myself as a Lesbian I re-found deep Joy out of a deep depression… the kind of Joy that starts in the soul and radiates through everything.
Even though embracing the nature of my Love has opened me up to the most richly spiritual life I could ever imagine.
So how do we all wade through this together without having to change each others’ viewpoints? Maybe this is not the place for words, but instead the place beyond words.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.”
Today, even if only for a few minutes, let’s meet in that field and just Be together. Beloved human being to beloved human being. Today let it be about that place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing.
When you’re ready, I’ll meet you there.
text and photos by Starla J. King
(Note: this entry is the third in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)