“I have to wonder what I did wrong… to make you this way…” Mom said when I came out to her 20-some years ago.
My response was instant: “Well, if it’s something you did, Mom…thank you… because I love being like this.”
You see, being gay isn’t a curse or a punishment. It’s not a dark cloud I carry around with me or an unsightly blemish I want to hide. It’s a gift. A Gift I firmly believe came directly from God’s hands, God’s heart.
Not because I’m more special than anyone else, or because gay is better than straight.
No… it’s a gift because being gay forced me to either live completely and authentically, or die.
There was no inbetween, there is no inbetween, and to me that is a gift beyond any other I can ever receive again. To be given the strength to live completely, authentically, OPENly — how can that NOT be a gift from God??
Yes, the process to this point hurt like hell (and at times still does), but even if it WERE a choice (which I assure you it is NOT), I’d choose this. I’d choose Life. Love. God (or whatever you choose to call her/him/it).
Consider this poem by Hafiz (from The Gift) – no matter who you are… gay, straight, or somewhere inbetween… no matter who you are, you were tagged to be exactly you.
As a myriad of things and
Playing a game
Has kissed you and said,
“You’re it –
I mean, you’re Really IT!”
It does not matter
What you believe or feel
For something wonderful,
Is someday going
(Note: this entry is the seventh in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience and views of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)