Sometimes all we really want is just to be able to hold hands.
On September 11, 1999, Provincetown Massachusetts, my partner (Sandy) and I had a private commitment ceremony on the beach at sunset. We exchanged vows, we cried, we laughed, we kissed.
Afterwards, walking back into town, we reached to hold hands… and realized we didn’t know how. Who holds, who is held? Fingers intertwined or no? Who’s front, who’s back?
Three years into our relationship and we hadn’t walked hand-in-hand in public.
We exchanged vows. We committed to each other for life. For better or for worse. And we still didn’t know how to hold hands.
Yes, we want marriage equality, other sorts of equality. Yes, we want great political and religious shifts that go beyond tolerance all the way to affirmation.
But you know, sometimes all we really want is just to be able to hold hands.
(photo by Patti Burke)
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(Note: this entry is part of the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience and views of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love.)
Matt Penning said,
March 2, 2010 at 11:26 pm
What a revelation! I can only imagine how that must have felt. I’m thinking it made your commitment mean that much more – how special what others take for granted would be.
No matter what, the touch of my love means so much.
Starla J. King said,
March 3, 2010 at 7:47 am
Matt, you are exactly right … the sunset was magical, but the freedom to just be a “regular” couple (ah, how we love Ptown) was so absolutely fantastic.
The touch of our loves is a lifeline to our hearts, our souls.
Mary said,
March 3, 2010 at 11:00 am
Your beautiful words take me to that beach and I experience the absolute beauty of your vows, see the softness of your smiles and feel the joy of being able to make such a committment. PTown is a special place where everyone can feel safe, loved and regular. Imagine for a moment that the entire world is like PTown…..
On our first trip we saw Kate Clinton on stage and were blown away. She said the L word out loud. She said “be brave, be bold!” She was beautiful and I was finally proud to be a lesbian. It was a feeling sorta like when my older brother said I could hang with him and his friends, when the coach selected ME to play on the high school basket ball team. NO, it was better than that, but my words cannot describe it.
Yes, sometimes we DO want to just hold hands and be with people who appreciate and support our love for each other.
Starla J. there is power is this piece that stirs deep emotions. Thank you for saying things that so beautifully encompass the need to love and to be loved without judgment or ridicule. YOU are a miracle!
Starla J. King said,
March 3, 2010 at 11:25 am
Mary, you are so right re: PTown! It’s not just for gay people or straight people. It’s for all, both, everyone. It’s the co-existing feel of the place that is so incredibly soothing, isn’t it? I often love being special, as a lesbian, but sometimes I really just need to feel “regular” … ahhhhh.
Perhaps if we, as you suggest, “Imagine for a moment that the entire world is like PTown…..” it can happen. Maybe slowly, maybe only a teeny bit at a time, but it’s something, right??
The feeling of being selected to play on a team — what a great description of the blend of affirmation/special/belonging! The same re: hanging with your older bro. Seemingly simple events, yet so meaningful and powerful.
Your reaction to this piece is so beautiful, Mary. Might I suggest that you too are an absolute, loving and loved miracle….