It still stings.
Even after all these years, it catches me off guard like stepping on a wasp in the soft green grass of springtime.
Reading those stealth-bomber words in an email: It was so good to see you again! But I was also overcome with sadness to see the path that you have taken. It is not God’s way!
I know you’re just living your faith. I know you’re speaking what you truly genuinely believe to be God’s words. And I really honor you for that.
But don’t be sad for me, and don’t tell me my life is not God’s way just because you’ve realized my life partner is a woman.
What you haven’t looked for is my story. The story that tells you that I tried to take that other path — the one of self-rejection and self-denial. The story that tells you that my self-rejection couldn’t be separated from God-rejection. The story that tells you that path (the one you believe is Right for me) broke my spirit and left me sitting so far away from Love that I couldn’t find God.
So don’t be sad for me, because the path that I have taken is the only one that allows me to Love. In the truest, most spiritual sense of the word.
And it’s in how we Love that we show the heart of soul of God.
Fierce Courtesy
The connection to the Friend
is secret and very fragile.The image of that friendship
is in how you love, the graceand delicacy, the subtle talking
together, in full prostration,outside of time. When you’re
there, remember the fiercecourtesy of the one with you.
- Rumi
God has many faces. Love wears them all.
lentigogirl said,
January 20, 2011 at 11:23 am
yup.
Thanks, as always, for putting words to this.
Starla J. King said,
January 20, 2011 at 12:28 pm
you are so welcome, Lentigogirl. And thank *you* for the simple power of “yup.”
Clare said,
January 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Wow! Nice work, Starla. Love this Rumi poem.
Starla J. King said,
January 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Clare, Rumi comes through for us once again!
Rebecca P. Cohen said,
January 20, 2011 at 12:23 pm
This story has stayed with me since I saw you read that email…and your reaction to it…one of love; one of fierce courtesy.
Starla J. King said,
January 20, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Rebecca, yes you were indeed there to see the physical representation of the words of this post. It wasn’t until I found that rumi poem today that I had the words for the mix of stuff I was feeling. Yep, fierce courtesy.
Tina Burkholder said,
January 20, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Hmph. I am too irritated to write a generous response about the person who said this to you. Just can’t stand it. You embody the spirit of love Starla. And what is God, afterall, but love?
Mary said,
January 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Fierce courtesy indeed! Your post is filled with wisdom and love which is the embodiment of God. Would it be permissible to just ask this person how they dare speak for God? Perhaps not courteous, but I’m po’d by the arrogance of one so wrapped in self righteousness.
Mir said,
January 20, 2011 at 11:33 pm
Maybe
sometimes
all I can say is
Thank
You,
Beautiful Daughter of God.