I received an email from a reader yesterday, with the following note:
“I know all you know about me is that I randomly emailed you one day, but I wrote something that was on my heart today and haven’t been sure how/where/if to share it with a wider audience. Your blog came to mind and I wanted to send to you. You don’t have to publish this or share in any way, but if it does resonate with you or others you know, please feel free to share.
The state of NC voted on a constitutional amendment today and I’ve seen/heard/read many negative and outrageous comments from “Christians” today that caused me to write a few words down in response.”
Blessings to you.
Amy Wolfe [name used with permission]
And attached to the email was this Open Letter to the GLQBT community. It touched me deeply, and felt it needed to be shared — particularly so now that Amendment One (Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage) passed in NC. sighhhhhh…
This letter, my dear readers, is what compassion looks like (and, from my Mennonite(ish) Lesbian perspective, what compassion FEELS like).
****
An Open Letter to the GLQBT community on this day, May 8, 2012, when Amendment One votes were placed in regards to the NC Constitution Amendment.
On behalf of the Christian community I want to say a few words to the GLQBT community:
I am so sorry for the many ways you have experienced God, through us, as a hateful group of judging, condemning and self-righteous people.
I am sorry for the times that God has been misrepresented to you because of our actions.
I am wounded at the thought of the rejection you have felt and saddened by the way it may have affected you.
I want to say sorry for the nights you’ve been unable to sleep because you were scared to share your life and experiences with us.
I’m sorry that you have been hurt by bigotry and intolerance in the name of a loving and just God.
I’m deeply saddened that we have failed to extend the love and mercy that God has so graciously given to us.
I apologize for the ignorance that we have portrayed because we didn’t care enough to learn more.
I am regretful of the many times we could have worked together, yet chose to work against you instead.
I apologize for the times we passed you on the street and didn’t take the time to get to know who you are and what you’re about.
I’m sorry for the times we have made assumptions about you instead of creating new friendships.
I regret that we have failed to build bridges between your community and ours.
When we saw you on vacation with your family and whispered to our children to stay away from yours, I’m sorry for that too.
When you applied for a job and a Christian didn’t hire you on the basis of sexual orientation, I’m sorry for that too.
When you wanted to adopt a child who needed a home and we made that difficult, I’m sorry that you experienced that.
When you couldn’t visit your partner in the hospital, I’m sorry that we took that from you.
When you weren’t the first to be notified of your partner’s accident, I apologize for the pain you felt.
When we could speak openly and freely about our families, yet you didn’t feel the same freedom – I’m very sorry that we didn’t care enough to ask about your family.
When you were afraid that people would destroy your career if they knew about your sexual orientation, I’m sorry for the fear we placed in your life.
But mostly, I’m sorry for every way that we as a community of people have misrepresented a loving God to you.
Borrowing from a movie I recently watched, Blue Like Jazz, I want to say that “God is not like us and we are not like him.”
****
To Amy, and to each of you who has the courage to respond to our shared humanity rather than our (seemingly) glaring differences, I say thank you and offer this thought:
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” – Anne Lamott (from “Traveling Mercies”)
May grace join us all where we are and leave us in that place Rumi describes as “beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing.”
*****
Related posts: The Anatomy of Love series
Lisa Mercer said,
May 9, 2012 at 10:53 am
Wow. Well said. I, a Roman Catholic, was taught in parochial school from kindegarten to twelfth grade. ALL my teachers taught that God created us out of love, for love, to be loved, thereby confirming what my parents taught all along and the church I went to. I believe as such, that God would not give us the capacity to love if He didn’t want us to experience it, in any way. God wants His children to be happy, with NO labels, NO judgement. God wants us to love and love in return. Remember, we’re not dealing with the vengeful, wrath-filled God of the Old Testament here; we’re dealing with the loving, forgiving God of the New Testament who gave HIS SON to die for ALL of us, His children whom He loved; God did not tell Jesus, “By the way, that group of people there? Yeah, don’t die for them because they’re (fill in the blank).” God is the only Judge and the God I believe in doesn’t discriminate. Why should we?
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 11:32 am
Lisa, thank you so much for your comments!
I love the way you put this: “God did not tell Jesus, ‘By the way, that group of people there? Yeah, don’t die for them because they’re (fill in the blank).’ ”
It takes courage (and a WHOLE LOT of faith… and practice) to let go of our need to judge, especially when we’re faced with something that we don’t understand (like, for many, homosexuality in any of its forms).
Love is stronger than hate… and your one voice of love sure sounds beautiful from here. Thank you.
xo
sj
Amy Wolfe said,
May 9, 2012 at 11:40 am
Starla, I am deeply touched that you chose to share my attempt at bridge-building with your blog audience. Thank you for the opportunity. I am honored.
If anyone would like to contact me directly, please email amylizzy83@gmail.com
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 11:45 am
Amy, your letter expresses what I believe many people need to hear … or say (the 29 Facebook shares so far suggests the same).
*Thank you* for providing those words, and trusting this blog space enough to share the words with me in the first place.
(and you’re welcome. truly.)
xo
sj
ansullivan said,
May 9, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Yeah, this really was touching… and this comes from someone who’s dealt with LOTS of her *own* issues with The Church and its followers. To read what Amy wrote felt healing to me in a way that surprised me. So.. thanks to Amy for reaching out from her heart… and thanks to you Starla, for sharing.
<3
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm
ANS, I love that you too found healing (albeit surprising) in Amy’s words. Confirms my decision to post them!
A great reminder for me here to speak from the heart…
xo
sj
holyghosthunter said,
May 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Thank you for this post. God is certainly trying to break down the barriers.
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm
holyghosthunter, I am certainly seeing a lot of evidence today that there are more connections than barriers. May the balance continue to shift in that direction!
xo
sj
Mary said,
May 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm
I appreciate this heart-felt attempt to apologize for those who believe they can speak for God. The quote “God is not like us and we are not like him” is the ultimate explanation for everything we humans say and do. It explains why in some states a majority of voters will choose to wrap bigotry and judgment in self righteousness and enact laws to prohibit equal rights that the US Constitution guarantees all citizens. Do we need another “emancipation proclamation” for LBGT citizens?
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Mary, I propose you write that proclamation!!! And did you see that Obama has “come out” in support of gay marriage??
xo
sj
Cheryl said,
May 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Amen.
Starla J. King said,
May 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm
and amen. yes.
sandie said,
May 10, 2012 at 4:04 am
i agree with your position that the church owes many an apology for being less than loving but disagree with your position on the whole-as many in the church feel that the gay lifestyle is not Scriptural. this conviction should not be overlooked or minimized. to write a letter on behalf of the Christian community should be spoken cautiously. case on point: obama’s stance on gay marriage is opposed by many black pastors because of their conviction
based on God’s word.
Starla J. King said,
May 10, 2012 at 9:50 am
Sandie, thank you for your comment — it *is* important to point out that there are indeed different viewpoints as to what Scripture says about the gay lifestyle. My point in posting Amy’s letter, however, is not to debate whether homosexuality is a sin or not (I’ve spent sooo much time in my life on that conversation), but to suggest that no matter what our doctrine, we ALL strive to find ways to approach each other with love and compassion.
For example, my parents (devout fairly conservative Christians — Mennonites) believed that my lifestyle goes against Scripture. Yet they treated me and my partner with love. I knew they didn’t agree with my life, but they still found a way to see me as a person, not a sin. For that I respect them completely and applaud their adherence to their own convinctions, even though quite different from mine.
I guess my bottom line hope is that we all continue to strive to find a middle ground — one that doesn’t require anyone to give up their beliefs, NOR does it leave one party or another feeling marginalized or judged.
xo
sj