Special Edition

October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am (Anatomy of Love, GLBTQ, Inspiration, Relationship, Uncategorized)
Tags: , , , ,

“There’s a Special Edition of Love Dollars on the kitchen table for you” she said as I packed my work backpack for my trek to the local coffee shop.

Special Edition because it’s only Thursday, and Love Dollars are (typically) reserved for Friday — the day when a few dollars magically appear near my wallet to foot the bill for my end-of-week coffee shop treat.

Love Dollars because they signify my wife’s understanding of how I cherish my little celebration of a Friday morning by feeding my “scone zone.”

Love Dollars because they come from our shared bank accounts yet are still offered as a gift to me.

Love Dollars because omg you can’t help but love someone who facilitates the baked good process!!!!!

Special Edition because she’s working from home today.

Special Edition because we’re shaking the routine up a bit.

And Special Edition simply because she designated it as … well… SPECIAL.

You know…. any one of us can make any part of any day a Special Edition.  Low effort, high impact.

Like they did with the stairs at the coffee shop today:

Special Edition Stairs: Come On Up Friends

10 Comments

Still “single” after all these years

September 14, 2012 at 10:30 am (Anatomy of Love, GLBTQ, Relationship, Uncategorized)
Tags: , ,

My life partner and I celebrated our 16 year anniversary this week.

And 2 days later I still had to mark the “single” box on my jury duty intake form.

No, we didn’t break up (ohthankGod!).  It’s just that I was sworn to honesty, sitting in that court of law filling out my form … and legally I am not married.  Nor divorced.  Nor separated.  So that left only one option: “single.”

Honestly, for the most part I don’t think that much about the fact that I’m not able to legally marry my partner… because I still call and consider her my wife.

But yesterday when I had to check “single” the tears welled up.

Not so much at the unfairness (in my opinion) of it all, but even more about feeling like I was being forced to NOT honor the truth of our relationship.  Like when I was first coming out and still hid behind the phrase “my friend Sandy” then “my roommate Sandy.”  Yes, she was and is both of those, but good lord, she is so much MORE.

(On the other hand, it is kinda funny to use the “code” with other gay folks, asking “wait… are they roommates or ‘quote roommates’???” )

There’s another side to this, though.   Yes, we still have a long way to go with GLBTQ equality, and yes, it totally sucks that if it would ever (please god no) come down to any legal battles around decision-making rights for each other, our “marriage” would be diminished to a mere set of quotation marks… what doesn’t suck is that for the most part I have the freedom to live a looks-and-feels-like-married life with my partner.

Enough so that when I have to mark “single” on those @}#*^! forms my heart breaks a little.  For myself… and for others who — in any situation, for any reason — are not given the option to publicly claim who they really are.

May we all today… and every day… be touched by and grateful for those who know exactly who we are and allow us to publicly own that.

20 Comments

An Open Letter to the GLQBT Community

May 9, 2012 at 9:37 am (GLBTQ, Inspiration, Relationship, Spirituality, Uncategorized)
Tags: , , , ,

I received an email from a reader yesterday, with the following note:

“I know all you know about me is that I randomly emailed you one day, but I wrote something that was on my heart today and haven’t been sure how/where/if to share it with a wider audience. Your blog came to mind and I wanted to send to you. You don’t have to publish this or share in any way, but if it does resonate with you or others you know, please feel free to share.

The state of NC voted on a constitutional amendment today and I’ve seen/heard/read many negative and outrageous comments from “Christians” today that caused me to write a few words down in response.”

Blessings to you.
Amy Wolfe  [name used with permission]

And attached to the email was this Open Letter to the GLQBT community.  It touched me deeply, and felt it needed to be shared — particularly so now that Amendment One (Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage) passed in NC.  sighhhhhh…

This letter, my dear readers, is what compassion looks like (and, from my Mennonite(ish) Lesbian perspective, what compassion FEELS like).

****
An Open Letter to the GLQBT community on this day, May 8, 2012, when Amendment One votes were placed in regards to the NC Constitution Amendment.

On behalf of the Christian community I want to say a few words to the GLQBT community:

I am so sorry for the many ways you have experienced God, through us, as a hateful group of judging, condemning and self-righteous people.

I am sorry for the times that God has been misrepresented to you because of our actions.

I am wounded at the thought of the rejection you have felt and saddened by the way it may have affected you.

I want to say sorry for the nights you’ve been unable to sleep because you were scared to share your life and experiences with us.

I’m sorry that you have been hurt by bigotry and intolerance in the name of a loving and just God.

I’m deeply saddened that we have failed to extend the love and mercy that God has so graciously given to us.

I apologize for the ignorance that we have portrayed because we didn’t care enough to learn more.

I am regretful of the many times we could have worked together, yet chose to work against you instead.

I apologize for the times we passed you on the street and didn’t take the time to get to know who you are and what you’re about.

I’m sorry for the times we have made assumptions about you instead of creating new friendships.

I regret that we have failed to build bridges between your community and ours.

When we saw you on vacation with your family and whispered to our children to stay away from yours, I’m sorry for that too.

When you applied for a job and a Christian didn’t hire you on the basis of sexual orientation, I’m sorry for that too.

When you wanted to adopt a child who needed a home and we made that difficult, I’m sorry that you experienced that.

When you couldn’t visit your partner in the hospital, I’m sorry that we took that from you.

When you weren’t the first to be notified of your partner’s accident, I apologize for the pain you felt.

When we could speak openly and freely about our families, yet you didn’t feel the same freedom – I’m very sorry that we didn’t care enough to ask about your family.

When you were afraid that people would destroy your career if they knew about your sexual orientation, I’m sorry for the fear we placed in your life.

But mostly, I’m sorry for every way that we as a community of people have misrepresented a loving God to you.

Borrowing from a movie I recently watched, Blue Like Jazz, I want to say that “God is not like us and we are not like him.”
****

To Amy, and to each of you who has the courage to respond to our shared humanity rather than our (seemingly) glaring differences, I say thank you and offer this thought:

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” – Anne Lamott (from “Traveling Mercies”)

May grace join us all where we are and leave us in that place Rumi describes as “beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing.”

*****
Related posts: The Anatomy of Love series

14 Comments

Thank you

January 27, 2012 at 11:01 am (Anatomy of Love, GLBTQ, Inspiration, Relationship, Spirituality)
Tags: , , , ,

The original caption to this photo reads:

“A Christian group shows up to a Chicago Gay Pride parade holding apologetic signs including ‘I’m sorry for how the church treated you.‘”

In many ways the photo speaks for itself… but I’ll just add one thing.

THANK YOU.

Thank you to everyone who has the courage to look at … and SEE … what they don’t understand.

Thank you to everyone who chooses Love over everything.

Thank you to everyone who believes God can exist within and around and through anyone… no matter their race, gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, skills, income level, education, etc. etc.

Thank you to everyone who extends compassion and empathy to those who are marginalized in any way.

And thank you to those who see this photo and can’t help but grin.

Wishing you all love, real hugs, and bright tightie whities. ;)

********************
Related posts:

When you pass yourself on the street one day
Portraits of Love
Fierce Courtesy
Do Ask, Do Tell

Anatomy of Love Series (a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love):

11 Comments

When you pass yourself on the street one day…

October 7, 2011 at 8:21 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
Tags: , ,

I passed myself on the street yesterday.  Scruffy haired, boy-clothed lesbian.

Yes, I’m sure.  

Because my heart opened … my eyes lit up … the instantaneous joy of dusting off that rusty feeling of Recognition.

In private, I don’t really think about the fact that I’m a gay person in a predominantly straight world.  I’m just a person. Period.

Actually… even in public, I don’t really think about it.  Over the years, I have set my “normal” and simply now (for the most part) live happily within that “normal.”

And then I step out on a city sidewalk, see another lesbian, and everything changes.

We exchange a knowing grin and tiniest nod of the head (“yes, I SEE you. yes, I sure am.” [gay, that is])

Connection.  Recognition.  Understanding. 

And a sudden remembering of my difference. 

The difference that has me aware of every time I touch my wife in public — from simply brushing my hand across her arm to a good-bye hug and kiss at the airport .

The difference that makes me ask at the rental office  ”do I have to check ‘single’ on this form, since we can’t be legally married in this state… even though we’ve been together for 15 years?”

The difference that has me on high alert for reactions when I first refer to “my partner” with someone.

And the difference that allows me to connect with people I’ve never met before and share instant recognition, the bond of a not-so-secret society, and the celebration of our own flavor of diversity.

And the difference that reminds me of the beauty and power in finding the courage to be exactly who you are.

If you passed yourself on the street one day, what is that recognition that would light you up, make your heart skip a beat, give you a reason to nod knowingly and say “yes, yes, I sure am!”

That… THAT is your Difference… your connecting point … your ticket to celebrating and sharing the most YOU-ness of you.  

You see, this post really isn’t about me being gay (it never really is).  It’s about each of us having a chance to honor the “different” in ourselves and others.

Go… be different… I can’t wait to pass you on the street and recognize the sameness of our different.

 

16 Comments

Do Ask, Do Tell

October 21, 2010 at 8:05 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship)
Tags: , , ,

You knew I’d have to go there.

<hopping onto (dusty) soapbox>

“Don’t ask, don’t tell.”  So much more than just a military policy issue.  It’s a very human, very personal, matters-to-everyone issue.

From the outside, it might seem like the perfect way to handle the “gay issue.”  (“gay” referring to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, queer, etc.).   Let them stay quiet about who they really are, and we won’t let it get in our way. 

Just like the “hate the sin, love the sinner” and “you can be a gay member of our church IF you don’t actually live like you’re gay”  policies of some (many?) religions.  We can let you hang out with us if you don’t do anything that makes us see your “gayness.”

There’s a little problem with that.  See, from the inside, that feels anything but fair, kind, loving or even human.  I left the church — the place I had always relied on for life support —  when I came out to myself because the underlying “don’t ask, don’t tell” vibe there kept me quiet about the one thing I needed to talk about.  And sent the message that only parts of me were acceptable, good, holy. 

Maybe if we start asking, the gay teen suicides will decrease.  Maybe if we start asking, our churches, neighborhoods, military… our country… can have the chance to discover the incredible strength, courage, and compassion that we ALL have.  Not just straight people, or just gay people.  ALL of us.

I’ll let you in on a little gay secret.  Sometimes all we want is to have someone ASK so we can tell.  By asking, you show you see us as human, and really, what greater gift of support and healing can you give someone??  Asking doesn’t mean you agree with us, or are even comfortable with the whole gay thing.   It just means you care enough to take that courageous step of human connection. 

I know I don’t speak for my entire gay community, as we still struggle with our own homophobia.  But I speak for me, and for many of my friends, and for the lost teenagers who didn’t get a chance to tell and saw death as their only solution.

We all have don’t ask, don’t tell issues in our lives — it’s not just a gay thing. 

Please, please consider ASKING (compassionately) so someone gets a chance to tell.  You could literally save a life.

Send this post to a friend

*******

(if you need to practice asking re: gay stuff, I’m open — ask here in comments, or feel free to email me separately).

12 Comments

Anatomy of Love: What’s the Point?

December 9, 2009 at 9:06 pm (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
Tags:

Really, what’s the point?

What’s the point of writing about being gay? Of describing my own experience, just one among the gazillions of other experiences out there (gay or straight)?

In fact, I’m a day late on my blog post this week because I just kept wondering, “what’s the point??”

And maybe that’s just it… maybe this time the point is that there doesn’t need to be one.

Maybe today my Anatomy of Love post is just here to say that even though I’m a Lesbian, sometimes the whole being gay thing simply isn’t that big a deal to me.

It’s not like my gayness changes intensity from one day to the next. I don’t get up and wonder “is today going to be a gay day or not??”

I’m always gay. I always will be gay. Some days that really matters to me and some days it really doesn’t… because ALL days, ALL days, that’s only one part of the infinitely complex myriad of stuff I call “Me.”

and maybe that’s the point….  
*******************************************
post by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the fourth in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

10 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Where can we meet?

November 19, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
Tags: , , ,

They clipped my wings today
and asked me why I didn’t fly
I tried to explain to them
Part won’t work,
I need the Whole
and they told me
But you still have wings
why don’t you fly?

I don’t blame them, really, for clipping my wings by standing firm to their conviction that I am living against God’s will, that Heaven won’t welcome me.   “Them” being those who open their arms to me – but only if I don’t do anything about being a Lesbian… like, well, being one. 

They’re just living what they believe — how can I truly fault them for that?  

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  Or sometimes make me angry.  And usually make me sad.

When I “came out” in my twenties ,  I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to be seen as a “sinner.”   I grew up in a Mennonite household, went to a Mennonite high school and college, was regularly (and willingly!!) involved in Bible Study, Chapel participation/leadership, Devotional groups,  church choir, etc. etc.   I was known as a good Christian girl. 

Until I came out.   

Suddenly my lifelong relationship with God was questioned and my welcome in the Church was revoked.  The organization that purports to be built upon the very essence of unconditional love suddenly stuck the word “IF” into their love.  

Even though in accepting myself as a Lesbian I re-found deep Joy out of a deep depression… the kind of Joy that starts in the soul and radiates through everything.

Even though embracing the nature of my Love has opened me up to the most richly spiritual life I could ever imagine.

So how do we all wade through this together without having to change each others’ viewpoints?   Maybe this is not the place for words, but instead the place beyond words. 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.”
- Rumi

Today, even if only for a few minutes, let’s meet in that field and just Be together.  Beloved human being to beloved human being.  Today let it be about that place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing.  

When you’re ready, I’ll meet you there.

*******************************************
text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the third in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

10 Comments

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 446 other followers

%d bloggers like this: