Fierce Courtesy

January 20, 2011 at 11:19 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship)
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early spring grassIt still stings.

Even after all these years, it catches me off guard like stepping on a wasp in the soft green grass of springtime.

Reading those stealth-bomber words in an email:  It was so good to see you again! But I was also overcome with sadness to see the path that you have taken. It is not God’s way!

I know you’re just living your faith.  I know you’re speaking what you truly genuinely believe to be God’s words.  And I really honor you for that. 

But don’t be sad for me, and don’t tell me my life is not God’s way just because you’ve realized my life partner is a woman. 

What you haven’t looked for is my story.  The story that  tells you that I tried to take that other path — the one of self-rejection and self-denial.  The story that tells you that my self-rejection couldn’t be separated from  God-rejection.  The story that tells you that path (the one you believe is Right for me) broke my spirit and left me sitting so far away from Love that I couldn’t find God.

So don’t be sad for me, because the path that I have taken is the only one that allows me to Love.  In the truest, most spiritual sense of the word.

And it’s in how we Love  that we show the heart of soul of God.  

Fierce Courtesy

The connection to the Friend
is secret and very fragile.

The image of that friendship
is in how you love, the grace

and delicacy, the subtle talking
together, in full prostration,

outside of time. When you’re
there, remember the fierce

courtesy of the one with you.
- Rumi

God has many faces.  Love wears them all.

9 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Hold Our Hands

March 2, 2010 at 9:26 pm (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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Sometimes all we really want is just to be able to hold hands. 

On September 11, 1999, Provincetown Massachusetts, my partner (Sandy) and I had a private commitment ceremony on the beach at sunset.  We exchanged vows, we cried, we laughed, we kissed. 

Afterwards, walking back into town, we reached to hold hands… and realized we didn’t know how.  Who holds, who is held?  Fingers intertwined or no?  Who’s front, who’s back? 

Three years into our relationship and we hadn’t walked hand-in-hand in public.  

We exchanged vows.  We committed to each other for life.  For better or for worse.   And we still didn’t know how to hold hands. 

Yes, we want marriage equality, other sorts of equality.  Yes, we want great political and religious shifts that go beyond tolerance all the way to affirmation.

But you know, sometimes all we really want is just to be able to hold hands. 

(photo by Patti Burke)

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(Note: this entry is part of the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience and views of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love.)

4 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Tag, You’re It!

February 4, 2010 at 11:36 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship)
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“I have to wonder what I did wrong… to make you this way…”  Mom said when I came out to her 20-some years ago. 

My response was instant: “Well, if it’s something you did, Mom…thank you… because I love being like this.”

You see, being gay isn’t a curse or a punishment.  It’s not a dark cloud I carry around with me or an unsightly blemish I want to hide.  It’s a gift.  A Gift I firmly believe came directly from God’s hands, God’s heart.

Not because I’m more special than anyone else, or because gay is better than straight. 

No… it’s a gift because being gay forced me to either live completely and authentically, or die. 

There was no inbetween, there is no inbetween, and to me that is a gift beyond any other I can ever receive again.  To be given the strength to live completely, authentically, OPENly — how can that NOT be a gift from God??

Yes, the process to this point hurt like hell (and at times still does), but even if it WERE a choice (which I assure you it is NOT), I’d choose this.  I’d choose Life.  Love.  God (or whatever you choose to call her/him/it).

Consider this poem by Hafiz (from The Gift) – no matter who you are… gay, straight, or somewhere inbetween… no matter who you are, you were tagged to be exactly you.

YOU’RE IT

God
Disguised
As a myriad of things and
Playing a game
Of tag

Has kissed you and said,
“You’re it –

I mean, you’re Really IT!”

Now
It does not matter
What you believe or feel

For something wonderful,

Major-league Wonderful
Is someday going
To

Happen.

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photos by Starla J. King and Jeffery Thomas

(Note: this entry is the seventh in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience and views of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

11 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Til Death Do Us Part

January 4, 2010 at 10:42 am (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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Til death do us part… 

That phrase is a standard part of many American wedding vows, and I don’t doubt that each person who says it really means it.  In concept, at least. 

But what if you were literally risking death simply by loving?   

Nigeria, Iran, Yemen all have the death penalty for homosexuals.  Yes, the death penalty.  Uganda has an anti-homosexuality bill proposing life imprisonment or death for homosexual “offenders.”  

That reality is unfathomable to me … disturbing.  But here’s what really gets me: speculation has it that Americans helped fuel the Ugandan government’s anti-gay fire which resulted in the anti-homosexuality bill.  (see this article in today’s NY Times).  

As if it’s not enough for us to keep our fear in our own country, we have to go to other countries and spread the message of fear and hate?!?  

People, please… no matter what your view of homosexuality is — please don’t spread the hate.  

The NY times article says that these American visitors, “homosexuality experts,” discussed how “the gay movement is an evil institution” whose goal is “to defeat the marriage-based society and replace it with a culture of sexual promiscuity.” 

NO!  That is so NOT what “the gay movement” is about!   

It’s not about defeating anyone.  It’s not about promiscuity or subversive sexual trysts.  It’s not about replacing anything except hate and intolerance.  

It’s about Love.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  And again.  Until one person then another person, and another… hears it.  It’s about Love.  Period. 

Like one European man said (see article) “It’s not homosexuality that is imported…It’s homophobia.”   

I’m begging you… please… don’t allow “til death do us part” be a punishment for love, a literal sentencing to death.  Let it be a phrase of joy and Love for *everyone.* 

 Whatever you do, big or small… please… let it be about Love. 


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text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the fifth in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

12 Comments

Anatomy of Love: Where can we meet?

November 19, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Anatomy of Love, Relationship, Uncategorized)
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They clipped my wings today
and asked me why I didn’t fly
I tried to explain to them
Part won’t work,
I need the Whole
and they told me
But you still have wings
why don’t you fly?

I don’t blame them, really, for clipping my wings by standing firm to their conviction that I am living against God’s will, that Heaven won’t welcome me.   “Them” being those who open their arms to me – but only if I don’t do anything about being a Lesbian… like, well, being one. 

They’re just living what they believe — how can I truly fault them for that?  

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  Or sometimes make me angry.  And usually make me sad.

When I “came out” in my twenties ,  I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to be seen as a “sinner.”   I grew up in a Mennonite household, went to a Mennonite high school and college, was regularly (and willingly!!) involved in Bible Study, Chapel participation/leadership, Devotional groups,  church choir, etc. etc.   I was known as a good Christian girl. 

Until I came out.   

Suddenly my lifelong relationship with God was questioned and my welcome in the Church was revoked.  The organization that purports to be built upon the very essence of unconditional love suddenly stuck the word “IF” into their love.  

Even though in accepting myself as a Lesbian I re-found deep Joy out of a deep depression… the kind of Joy that starts in the soul and radiates through everything.

Even though embracing the nature of my Love has opened me up to the most richly spiritual life I could ever imagine.

So how do we all wade through this together without having to change each others’ viewpoints?   Maybe this is not the place for words, but instead the place beyond words. 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.”
- Rumi

Today, even if only for a few minutes, let’s meet in that field and just Be together.  Beloved human being to beloved human being.  Today let it be about that place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing.  

When you’re ready, I’ll meet you there.

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text and photos by Starla J. King

(Note: this entry is the third in the “Anatomy of Love” blog series – a personal look at the experience of a Lesbian Mennonite navigating the unpredictable waters of non-traditional faith and love)

10 Comments

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