Time with the alphabet

My dear friend recently lost her dad… unexpectedly, with no time to prepare and steel herself for the emotional tidal wave.  In a phone call a few weeks later, telling me about her process of integrating back into life, she mentioned going to the library… because “I just needed to spend time with the alphabet.”  

I think I missed her next few sentences(sorry, Cheryl!) because I was so blown away by that description; I’ve never heard her my relationship with words expressed so beautifully.  

Words, especially written words …  a never-ending source of comfort and expression and anticipation.  I don’t quite understand it, really.  What is it that makes my heart go pitter-patter when an Amazon.com box shows up on my porch, and my knees weak when I walk into a bookstore, and my Kindle evoke feelings of true love (yes, I have one foot in the dark side)?

That was a rhetorical question, by the way.  I don’t really want to know the answer.  The mystery, I think, is part of the allure of a pull that I don’t want to lose.

Sometimes we just need to spend time with the alphabet.

My current book stack... Click to enlarge

Like right now, in this long overdue episode of Starla’s Bookshelf! 

I have been raking in alphabet chunks like I’m starving.  I gave in to the Kindle (no real pages?  <snooty nose lift> I would NEVER.  Until I did. oops.) and promptly downloaded:

  • A classic (because “they make me look smart,” says my brilliant sister-in-law): The Awakening” by Kate Chopin, 1898; one of my fave college years I-don’t-have-to-conform books
  •  The Book of Tea” by Kakuzo Okakura (thank you for the rec., Kelly K!): juicy, thought- and inspiration-provoking text about the ritual and meaning of the tea ceremony. 
  • Seth Godin’s, Graceful: Making a difference in a  world that needs you“: I love the title, and I love Seth’s take on marketing / biz / living a real life. Hopefully will love the book also.
  • …and of course Jodi Picoult’s latest novel, “Sing You Home (mixed review here re: the GLBT* issues portrayal, but so far an interesting story nonetheless).

As if that wasn’t enough, I felt a need to load up on my “waiting to be read” stash of paper (non-digital) books.  Hey, I’m a writer.  Books are business expense writeoffs.  Required part of my physical environment.  Why NOT buy more of them (don’t answer that, San!)??

This week, Amazon.com delivered me a little box full of happy:

devotion:  a memoir”   by Dani Shapiro.  I stumpled into Dani’s blog one day and instantly felt as though my writing heart and mind had a place of respite and inspiration.  So naturally I purchased her book as soon as it was available.  I haven’t started it yet because I’m still enjoying the anticipation. Feels like having a fresh-baked batch of chocolate chunk brownies always waiting for me.

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield.  Seth Godin said this book was a game changer for him, so I took a look.  Read two lines in the online preview: ”Most of us have two lives.  The life we life, and the unlived life within us.”  *click* BUY!

The Practice of Contemplative Photography: Seeing the World with Fresh Eyes” by Andy Karr and Michael Wood.  Recommended by Nona Jordan … whose blog posts always gently hit that soft tender heart spot.  Contemplative Photography?  OMG, I need 15 copies NOW!  Or at least one.  Loving even the first pages of “how photography can be used to expand your vision and your appreciation of the world.”

There are other books I turn to regularly (see photo for titles/authors), but I think this list is enough alphabet for you to digest today, yes?    

And anyway, I’m out of time here… I have books to read!  

********** 

*GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered

We Need to Talk

Depression doesn’t want you to talk about it. 

It wants to spread its insidious power through stealth operations, sneaking around under the radar until it’s infiltrated all your positive thoughts and emotions.

So today we’re going to talk about it.  Today I refuse to hide or cower or be ashamed of this reality in my life.  

See here’s what really sucks about depression… “Depression is a condition almost unimaginable to anyone who has not known it.” (Andrew Solomon).  Yet what is most needed in those depressive times is a connection with other people… understanding… a knowing empathy.
 

“When it [depression] comes, it degrades one’s self and ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection.  It is the aloneness within us made manifest, and it destroys not only connection to others but also the ability to be peacefully alone with oneself… in depression, the meaninglessness of every enterprise and every emotion, the meaningnessless of life itself, become self-evident.  The only feeling left in this loveless state is insignificance.” [Andrew Solomon, "The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression"]. 

Because of that, all of that, going on for way too long, I finally gave in to medication to help bridge the “rift between body and soul.”  10 years later I still rely on medication to preserve my ability to give and receive love, and I hate it. 

I hate that I have to take a mocking-pink pill every single morning likely for the rest of my life.  

I hate that no matter what self-care techniques I use, and no matter how much I emotionally and spiritually protect myself, I still get to mid-February and find myself in the ring with depression.

So today I’m talking about it.  

Because in talking about it, we replace fear with connection.  We take the power from depression (or ANY predominant issue) and give it back to ourselves. 

And in talking about it, we might stumble upon the silver lining.  As Solomon so perfectly states,

“I hated being depressed, but it was also in depression that I learned my own acreage, the full extent of my soul.”  And “my grasp tightens and becomes acute in moments of loss:  I can see the beauty of glass objects fully at the moment when they slip from my hand toward the floor.”

How many of us ever get the chance to learn the full extent of our souls and the incredible beauty, strength and possibility held within us? 

 So today, maybe we can all find the courage to start talking about “it” … whatever our “it” is.  I, for one, am listening.

text and photos by Starla J. King

Words

Words

At times they come
and pile on my tongue gentle
at first then insistent
like the kiss of a lover tasting my soul’s sweet savoury salty
mysterieswords

Tell us they say Tell us
of you through the heart you express when we
leave
and we’ll tell you back
Words

So wordless I show them
the place where I love and flames lick at my heart and
the place where I fear and its dance taunts my mind and
the place where I dream and fierce hope obliterates doubt

silently
I hand them my pen with
the places I can’t speak
telling them Please
please write me so tonight
they give me these

Words.

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